Hello lovely people. If you're wondering, I'm back in America. I got back a few days before Christmas.

It was pretty difficult to leave France. (Okay that's a total understatement but whatever I think you get it.) But! and there is a but! It's nice to be back home and be with my family and friends. It makes things soooooOOOoooOOOOOooo much easier. 

Any of you who have had struggles with disorders and mental health, and those who are currently struggling with them, you know that every minute is different. Sometimes you're like "omg I can't do this right now" and you're sinking into a black hole, and other times you know you're going to make it. Right this second I feel hopeful for the future. I know it's just gonna change in about 2 more seconds, but I'm happy that I have this moment anyway. :)

This outfit happened without planning it. I got the skirt for Christmas (Free People) but was so disgusted with everything I could barely look at it. Then the other day I put it on with this shirt (also Free People) and some warm socks, and the cardigan sneaked up on me…. and voila. I think no matter how much I'm hurting there will always be little parts of "normal me" who will be there. And it's nice to wear something a little *fashionable* again.

As far as the rest of life goes… well, it's still going on, no matter what happens. I've found comfort in some weird and unexpected things: baking and Ariana Grande. The baking is becoming a little obsessive. I made champagne spiked cupcakes last night for New Year's and I'm going to make a blueberry velvet cake for my brother's birthday in a few days. I pretty much hate everything right now, but baking is the only thing that I actually like doing. I look forward to the day I get really really good and I become the next Buddy Valastro (bc it's gonna happen obvs). I also look forward to the day that I can eat my baked goods without guilt.

And as for the Ariana Grande… I don't know, man. Something about ridiculous, bubblegum pink pop music is just really appealing to me right now.

Finally I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post and emailed me. You guys are AMAZING. Actually, completely amazing. Every time I read your awesome messages I like things a little more. I would reply to every comment down there but blogger won't show me the reply button so idk just know that I love you and you have helped me so much every day.


(…. honestly I have no idea why I like her music so much right now it's a little weird and random but maybe you guys will feel all your problems melt away with the sugary sweet tunez.)


Bee said...

I honestly love your all the pictures on your wall, I've been trying to decorate mine as well. Yours is rad.

Bee x

Amelia Mad said...

love the outfit and ariana is the bomb


David said...

Yay! - home safe and sound in time for Christmas! And blogging - more Yay!